So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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