I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize