Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
