Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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