I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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