He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
