Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
