guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
porn star boner night. come get it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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