omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
