Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
