If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize