He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
