honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
