my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
