well I can't set my house on fire every night
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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