so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
