I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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