oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
