So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
