By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
