we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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