So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
