I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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