sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
