I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
