3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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