Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
