People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
