Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
