I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
