its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
