I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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