I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
