You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
