My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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