I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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