Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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