Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
