Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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