I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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