My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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