They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
