he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
