Life is so much better after having sex.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
