I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
