Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
