it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
