dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
