I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
