Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
