Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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