a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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