Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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