dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
