This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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