I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
