She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
