Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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