I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think my moral compass just broke
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
