my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
