I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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