Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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