I heard we made out
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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