So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
